"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize