i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
