So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
