Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
