when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
