the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize