Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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