I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
