I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
