You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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