I want to walk on stilts...naked
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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