we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We have so much sex to catch up on
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
