I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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