If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize