All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
