She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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