My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my being single is dangerous.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
