Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
