Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
