Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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