Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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