fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
