i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
