No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
