Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
