Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
