a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
