that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
