We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
