We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
