the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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