And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize