What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
home. puking in laundry basket.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
