I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
