Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
