i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
