So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize