my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
