Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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