you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
