If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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