if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
