I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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