I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
