I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
