Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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