I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
