Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
