the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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