So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
