Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
