so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
