Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize