i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
