Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I came so hard my ears popped.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
