I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
