2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
