I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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