i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You made out with two different species that night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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