HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
