we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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