yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
