Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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