She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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