I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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