Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
