spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
so much tequila, so little girl.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
