I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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