Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
