I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
