I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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