So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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