can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize