id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
