i may or may not be watching the land before time
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
