I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
