my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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