my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
