the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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