he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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