i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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