It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
where does the pee come out of this thing
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
