I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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