I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
