if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize