I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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