Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
