i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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