dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
