She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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