DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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