Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
