I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Boobs are out for the taking
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Come share oat with me in your robe
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
