you turned your livingroom into a bong?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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