he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
