My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
